This reflection, adapted largely from Gianluigi Gugliermetto in Matthew Fox’s Daily Meditations, continues my three-part series on vows. As an officiant, I find his insights deeply relevant to the work of holding vows at the center of the wedding ceremony.
In my earlier reflections, I called vows the heart and soul of a wedding ceremony. They are not decorative. They are not optional. They are the central act around which the entire ritual gathers. This second part of the series explores why vows carry such weight — not only spiritually and emotionally, but even biologically.
A way of thinking confined to the boundaries of material reality struggles with this. It cannot grasp that making a vow in a solemn way — whether private or public — changes reality. To make a vow is to call new realities into being. It draws forth a strength and a future we might not have known existed before the words were spoken. The 16th-century Reformers — Luther, Calvin, Zwingli, and others — reacted against monastic vows, often dismissing them as human effort cut off from grace. That misunderstanding has lingered, and it combines with a modern scientific skepticism that insists reality can only be measured by what is visible and repeatable.
And yet, science is beginning to circle back. Studies of meditation now show what wisdom traditions have long intuited: that stilling the mind can reshape the very structure of the brain (see notes below for examples). Neuroplasticity itself bears witness to how our inner commitments reshape the body. It is no great leap to imagine that vow-making, when engaged with depth and seriousness, leaves a measurable mark on the human brain.
Even without brain scans, we know this in our bones: making a vow steadies the mind and summons strength for the path ahead. A healthy vow is no cage. It is a channel of energy, a source of strength in the inevitable storms of life.
This power of vows is always carried in ritual. Skylar Wilson (author, activist, and co-founder of the Order of the Sacred Earth) observes that a central altar — whether at a Cosmic Mass, a Sundance, or even Burning Man — becomes the focal point for manifesting reality together. In weddings, the altar is not necessarily a piece of church furniture; it is the chosen place of promise — whether a meadow, a backyard, a beach, or simply the spot that best frames the moment. It is where two voices join in a promise that will orient their lives.
And what emerges in that act is not something fabricated, but something revealed: the presence of something greater — call it God, Shekhinah (the indwelling presence of the divine), Holy Wisdom — arising from the gathered community. This may sound lofty, even quaint, until we remember the world we live in: a time when trust in democracy falters, when human rights erode, when the news batters us daily. If ever we needed vows, it is now. Vows anchor us. They allow us to bend with the storm like bamboo and then return, resilient and rooted.
To make a vow is to answer the question: Who am I?
And the answer is this: I am becoming what I pledged with my whole being to become — and no force can undo it.
In wedding ceremonies, that answer is spoken aloud, shared before witnesses, and sealed with joy. It is why I believe — and science increasingly affirms — that vows are not only the center of a wedding, but one of the strongest commitments a human being can make in life.
Notes & References
Scientific studies increasingly confirm that meditation and focused practices reshape the brain:
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Sara W. Lazar et al. (2005), NeuroReport. Long-term meditators showed increased cortical thickness in regions tied to attention and sensory processing. DOI: 10.1097/01.wnr.0000186598.66243.19
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Britta Hölzel et al. (2011), Psychiatry Research: Neuroimaging. Just eight weeks of mindfulness practice increased gray matter density in the hippocampus and other regions linked to learning and memory. DOI: 10.1016/j.pscychresns.2010.08.006
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Yi-Yuan Tang, Michael I. Posner et al. (2015), Nature Reviews Neuroscience. A comprehensive review of neuroscience studies showing structural and functional changes in brain regions involved in attention, emotion regulation, and self-awareness. DOI: 10.1038/nrn3916