Vows, Part I

Inspired by Gianluigi Gugliermetto’s meditation in Matthew Fox’s Daily Meditations (9/24/25)

Of all the moments in a wedding ceremony, when two people turn to each other and speak their vows, the air changes. Guests lean in. Even the restless children grow quiet. Why? Because vows are different from promises.

As Gugliermetto reminds us, commitments are about things we promise to do—take out the trash, show up on time, keep our word. Commitments can be many, and they can change with circumstances. We can even be overcommitted. But a vow is something else. You can’t be “over-vowed.”

A vow carries us in a way that a commitment never can. A vow is the deep hope of the heart, spoken aloud. It’s the cry of love answering a call.

This is why it’s clear to me, time and again, that the vows are the heart of the ceremony. Everything else—processionals, readings, rings, even the kiss—flows from this center. Vows are not about drawing up the perfect life-plan. They are about giving voice to an irresistible inner call: This is the person I choose. This is the life we will walk together.

Of course, vows can be broken. Many carry wounds from that reality. But to think of vows only in moral terms—as if breaking them were simply a “failure”—misses their deeper meaning. Vows are not burdens we drag along. Vows are what lift us up and carry us.

And that’s the great gift of a wedding day: to speak words that are larger than us, yet somehow truer than anything else we could say. Words that warm our hearts and kindle our imaginations, every day.

In the weeks ahead, I’ll share more reflections on vows—how they are written, spoken, and lived. But for today, I invite you to hold this thought close:

Vows are not promises we carry. Vows are what carry us.